The End and The Beginning

Eric and I have had a very rough couple of weeks, starting right before Thanksgiving. I started spotting through the holiday weekend, and on Monday the 30th of November, found out that our baby had no heartbeat. Im pretty sure this was the saddest day of my life. Ive never lost an immediate family member (at least not that I have been alive when they died), and now, sadly, I have to say that I have. Wednesday morning, the 2nd of December, I had a D&C. Now I am in the recovery stages physically and emotionally.

I was always trying to prepare myself for the possibility of this happening. It's so much more common than anyone wants to admit, and with so many people close to me having gone through this, I knew when the spotting started that it was very possible it was happening to me. But I really tried not to believe the worst, and I even held on to the thought that everything still COULD be okay when we went to the doctor that Monday. But once it was really over, and the baby was really gone, reality set in that my baby had died.

When asked how Im doing with all of this, my emotions are still all over the place. I try to to hang on to the positives, such as the fact that we know we can get pregnant now. And I really trust God in his decisions, so I know there is a plan for us. But I will forever miss this baby, and I think I will always be a little bit sad, wondering what it would've looked like, would it have been a boy or girl...things like that.

In some ways, this is the end of a big part of our trials this past year and a half. It's the end of wondering whether it's possible for us to get pregnant, but it's also the end of our first baby's life. While we deal with this tough time, we are also looking towards the beginning. It's the beginning of trying again, and we are looking forward to the possibilities.

Thanks for all the prayers, calls, texts, emails, hugs, flowers....everything. We truly have an amazing family and group of friends that we surround ourselves with, and we are so lucky for what we have.